My preoccupation with the world and all that it offered continued into my early high school years. However, once I hit my third and last year of high school (I was an early graduate), I had a profound spiritual awakening. This awakening occurred one day as I was reading a book on Christian spirituality and purity for young women. Suddenly, my interest in the superficial ceased, and I grew to desire the things that are eternal.
A few months later, I went on my first mission trip, and it served to deepen my commitment to the Lord's ways. My parents said they noticed a change in me upon my return.
It was also during this time that we began attending a non-denominational megachurch. The people there were very friendly and enthusiastic. But I found the whole approach this church and others of its kind take to be thoroughly lacking and dissatisfying. Every Sunday, I sat through a service created for the purpose of appealing to your average non-religious seeker, complete with a professional worship team, and short sermons consisting mainly of an entertaining story and a video clip or two.
There was no sense of being in the presence of a holy God, and very rarely did we have a moment of silence or contemplation.
Eventually, I began seeking something deeper, and closer to the biblical model of worship. My search led me through various denominations and theologies, until I found myself deep in Protestant fundamentalism.
I started to dress very modestly, even covering my hair on occasion. Yet I still kept attending my family's church, all the while continuing my search for the true and correct denomination. I was convinced it had to be out there. But what I didn't realize at the time was that the standard for this one true and perfect sect was based solely on my own biblical interpretation, which I believed to be inspired by the Holy Spirit.
Feeling frustrated with my fruitless search, I took refuge in the online community, where I was able to find a few like-minded people. It wasn't long before I found myself part of a fundamentalist cult that existed mainly online, with a girl my age as its leader. This wasn't an organized cult by any means, but now looking back, I shudder at how much power this one individual had on both me and countless other young girls and their families simply by her influence online and in the blogging community I was a part of. Sadly, this same girl is now an atheist.
But it was through her that I found myself studying the Hebrew Roots of Christianity, which is where Part III of my story will take off.
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