One of the most difficult aspects of a convert's journey, in my opinion, is facing the various reactions from family and friends, especially when they are of a negative nature.
My journey has been an emotional one. On the one hand, I feel such joy and peace at having finally arrived at my destination, but on the other hand, I feel so much anxiety and fear as I realize not everyone will share these same emotions with me. I am fortunate in that my husband and his family support my decision to convert, but I know my family will not share the same feelings.
I grieve over the pain this will cause them, and I admit my hesitancy to formally begin the process of conversion has been delayed because of this.
But I know the Lord is with me. He knows what I am going through...what I am feeling. He knows the anxiety I experience, and He is here, guiding me, leading me.
Last night, as I lay in bed reading through a book on living in a spiritually unequal marriage, my thoughts drifted towards my conversion, and immediately my heart was seized with fear and my breathing grew shallow. How will I bear the reaction of my parents? Their anger, their sadness, their disappointment in me?
Immediately, I turned to prayer, asking the Lord to help me. To strengthen me. And this is what I saw as my eyes refocused on the page in my book:
"...when you give God the reverence, honor, and awe that he deserves as your First Love, then all of a sudden you realize that nobody - no circumstances - can ultimately harm you. 'The LORD is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?' asked King David. You're reminded God is in control...'When I set God at the center of my life, I realize vast freedoms and surprising spontaneities,' said Peterson. 'When I center life on my own will, my freedom diminishes markedly. I live constricted and anxious.'"
-Lee Strobel, in Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch
It's amazing how quickly my prayer was answered! These words could have been written for me.
I went on to read,
Faith chases away fear
Fear imprisons. Faith frees.
Fear troubles. Faith triumphs.
Fear cowers. Faith empowers.
Fear disheartens. Faith encourages.
Fear darkens. Faith brightens.
Fear cripples. Faith heals.
Fear puts hopelessness at the center of life.
Faith puts fear at the feet of God.
-Phil Callaway
I am a people pleaser by nature, and someone who hates confrontation and avoids it at all costs. This is not easy. But to avoid God's calling in my life, to avoid His leading, is a mistake I am not willing to make.
Jesus I trust in Thee!
My journey has been an emotional one. On the one hand, I feel such joy and peace at having finally arrived at my destination, but on the other hand, I feel so much anxiety and fear as I realize not everyone will share these same emotions with me. I am fortunate in that my husband and his family support my decision to convert, but I know my family will not share the same feelings.
I grieve over the pain this will cause them, and I admit my hesitancy to formally begin the process of conversion has been delayed because of this.
But I know the Lord is with me. He knows what I am going through...what I am feeling. He knows the anxiety I experience, and He is here, guiding me, leading me.
Last night, as I lay in bed reading through a book on living in a spiritually unequal marriage, my thoughts drifted towards my conversion, and immediately my heart was seized with fear and my breathing grew shallow. How will I bear the reaction of my parents? Their anger, their sadness, their disappointment in me?
Immediately, I turned to prayer, asking the Lord to help me. To strengthen me. And this is what I saw as my eyes refocused on the page in my book:
"...when you give God the reverence, honor, and awe that he deserves as your First Love, then all of a sudden you realize that nobody - no circumstances - can ultimately harm you. 'The LORD is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?' asked King David. You're reminded God is in control...'When I set God at the center of my life, I realize vast freedoms and surprising spontaneities,' said Peterson. 'When I center life on my own will, my freedom diminishes markedly. I live constricted and anxious.'"
-Lee Strobel, in Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch
It's amazing how quickly my prayer was answered! These words could have been written for me.
I went on to read,
Faith chases away fear
Fear imprisons. Faith frees.
Fear troubles. Faith triumphs.
Fear cowers. Faith empowers.
Fear disheartens. Faith encourages.
Fear darkens. Faith brightens.
Fear cripples. Faith heals.
Fear puts hopelessness at the center of life.
Faith puts fear at the feet of God.
-Phil Callaway
I am a people pleaser by nature, and someone who hates confrontation and avoids it at all costs. This is not easy. But to avoid God's calling in my life, to avoid His leading, is a mistake I am not willing to make.
Jesus I trust in Thee!
I hope you're able to share your new journey with your family. I've gone through something similar with my own family and I know it's not easy. It's such a relief when it's over <3
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